My life can get a little overcrowded at times. It comes with
the territory of being mother to a very extroverted and active kiddo and having
multiple interests and obligations myself. Include the fact that I take any
commitment I make to an event or group seriously, and you get the recipe for
becoming too busy and forgetting to make time to just be. Being to busy is dangerous for
me, as I am an introvert and a bit of a contemplative.
It was in this space of too busy several weeks ago that I did something very
out of character for me: I blew off a
meeting that originally I felt I should attend. This particular meeting was a group
I am a part of, but not in leadership. The reality was the group would survive
just fine if I missed that meeting and the need to/should be there was really
very much self-imposed. If I am completely honest, it was not just a “I’m not
going to go” thought, it was very much a “screw it, I’m simply too tired to
drag myself out the door for another meeting thought”.
I will admit that this thought is very counter intuitive to
my overly responsible orientation. My thought was close to what I consider
cursing. And I will admit that I was at the point of being too tired and busy
to care. Because it was something I could easily cut from the long list of things
to do, it was also very freeing and provided space for some much needed rest.
I was talking with an acquaintance from the group –
apologizing for not being there and confessed to my “screw it” thought. Following
it up with a tongue in cheek thought about how maybe that should be a spiritual
discipline. The discipline of “ahh screw it.” She simply laughed and said now
that’s a blog I would read.
It did get me thinking, what if we did practice this to some
extent? Not with the true obligations and responsibilities - I’m not advocating for just dropping what ever
we want because it is inconvenient or because we just don’t want to. What I am
talking about is in those times when we are overwhelmed with the calendar of
activities and meetings sitting down and taking an honest assessment of what it
is that we can let go of to create the space we need.
I wonder, is much of our busy-ness and feeling of obligation
self imposed? I know for me it is - such as the feeling only I can do this,
or this needs to get done today, when in reality someone else may also be able
to take on that particular task or it really can wait for another day.
As my kiddo grows and becomes more active, asks to go play
with a friend and have other people besides me in her life she wants to spend
time with, I also realize how important it is for me to make space for her when
she asks me to. I don’t ever want to be so rigid to my calendar that it does
not have space for the spontaneous partaking of life-giving events. And I am
discovering that to do that, I have to be willing at times simply to give up my
self-perceived obligations that take me away from what fills up my soul for the
rest of the must-do obligations and responsibilities.
“Ahh screw it” may be just a bit harsh a name for this space
giving. But it was just the jolt that this overly busy mom in ministry needed
to get back to the priorities of work/life/play balance. It reminded me that
being “super mom” actually means not trying to do it all and instead make sure
I am able to be present to my family. Even if that means letting go of certain
things.
I know that this will be an ongoing journey and process for
me. But I am hopeful that I’ll eventually find the life-giving balance. I also
take comfort that I am not alone on this journey, I wonder do you have places
where you need to create some space?
