You Came as a Child

God, You came as a child.
Why a child?
Is it their innocence?
Their openness?
Is it because of how
we are more open to a baby,
more forgiving of a child.

Did you come as a child
because that was the only way
we would open ourselves
to the
awe, wonder and mystery
of You making Yourself
fully present on earth?

Did you come as a child
because that was the only way we,
with our
cynical, hardened hearts
would open to the fullness
of Your love for us,
your beloved children.

God You came as a child
and our hearts are more
whole because of
You come to earth.

Advent Mystery

God you are everywhere,
even when I may not see You
or understand how You are working.

In my humanness,
I seek to explain
or have an explanation
of everything.

But with You
not everything is
fathomable.

Help me lean into
Your mystery.
Into the mystery of this season.
Into the blessing of knowing.
Into the knowing You are here, working.

And let this all be enough.

AMEN

Advent Light

God you are the Light of the World.
Your Son is the living light and word.

It seems so dark,
the world right now.

But it seems dark
because I lose my focus
looking only to the world.

Re-orient me God.
Change my focus
back to Your light.

Because in You
there is always light and hope.

Advent Love

God,

You came to earth so that
You and I might be one.

You came to earth so that
Your Kingdom would be
on earth as it is in heaven.

How patient You must be
to live here with us,
in the messes we have created.

O how much You must love us.

Thank you.

AMEN.

Advent Welcome

Advent has come and with it an abundance of reflection on my part.  Join me this season as I share an extra post each Sunday of Advent.  It is my hope that these posts will help us all to slow down, refocus and re-member to the story of hope, peace, joy and love that comes in the story of Advent and Christmas.


It is so easy
in this season of busy,
to rush in
do this
plan that.

God help me to pause.
To start this season
slow,
silent,
listening.

Help me to remember to
invite you into my
doing,
planning,
being
of the season.

Help me to remember
to not only
prepare my plans,

But to first prepare
my heart.

Ready to focus on this
season of welcome,

Welcoming your Son
Christ Jesus
once again.

AMEN

Are You Ready for Christmas

Are you ready for Christmas?
Are the presents bought and wrapped?
Cards sent?
House decorated?
Cookies made?
Christmas meal planned?

Are you ready for Christmas?
Are you finding Hope?
Experiencing Joy?
Spreading Peace?
Being Love?
Embracing the story of the greatest gift?

The first list is the list of doing
The second list is one of being
I may never get the first list completed
and that is fine
Because as long as I am focused on the second list

Then yes
I am ready for Christmas.
Are you?

Chronos and Kairos

The world tells me be here now, don't be late, watch the clock.

The refrain is punch the clock - in and out - 

no overtime please or maybe it's 

all your time is ours - overtime expected.

Live by the calendar, breath by the clock.

This frantic Chronos pace stifles the soul.

It sucks the energy 

causing a weary plod through the days and weeks.

But there is hope in your call to us God.
You call us to something better, more life giving in your Kairos time.
It is here you ask us to pause,
To be fully present to you.
It is here you remind us that the most important time is now.
You call us to be fully in the now.

It isn't that we are to forget our calendar or forget to be at the next place on time.
It is that you ask us not to focus there - the not yet,
But to return our focus to the now -
To those who are with us now
To you and your voice and vision now.

To live in Kairos is to adjust our vision,
To say to the world's Chronos cacophony - BE STILL.
 Kairos is to hear your words "Be still and know...."

As we live in Advent and it's time of anticipatory waiting,

We are given an opportune gift and invitation:
To journey in Kairos time

To find the vision you, God, have for us and the                                                                                          world  you have entrusted us with.

The question is...

Will we accept the invitation.

Finding Advent in the Stopping

It is Sunday morning as I write this. Snow, Ice and severely sub-zero temperatures have effectively brought our family to a steadily slowing halt. In the interest of safety our church decided to cancel services and so I have found myself with a rare day of unplanned freedom from obligations.  As I looked out on the snowy back yard after a morning of pajamas and family snuggles the following poured out of my heart.

Go, Do, Prepare.

Shop, Sing, Bake.

Plan, Wrap, Decorate.

It seems the to do list has lost its priorities.

Where is…

                        Slow down, listen, be present.

                        Marvel, simplify, wonder.

                        Breathe in, breath out, prepare heart.

It’s Sunday and the snow came

And the temperature plummeted.

Safety was considered.

No church to attend this morning.

But wait….Church was attended

Only in a wholly different way.

By staying home, slowing down, snuggling with those dearest.

Worshiping at the dinning table around our Advent wreath.

Today Holy preparation was found.

In the stopping and just being.

In the permissive space of nothing to do,

But just be.

Never before have I felt so clearly

Advent Peace, Hope, Love, Joy.

Now I feel prepared…

to welcome your Child, Jesus to this earth once again.

Thank you and Amen.

Labyrinth paths and Advent Candles

Once again this week I have found myself reflecting more on my relationship with Advent. This week, my thoughts took a more, joy filled and contemplative turn. Even though it is cold enough to force me to pull out the winter coat and gloves I find myself going out most every morning to walk my labyrinth. As I let my gaze fall on the view around me I saw golden leaves in piles on green grass, flowering plants in varying stages of going into hibernation, and of course several resilient weeds doting the path of the labyrinth – all of it touched by a blanket of frost. Nature moving into its place of quiet rest and preparation for the glory that bursts forth in spring.

My soul rejoiced, how beautiful this is, this juxtaposition of growing and resting. Seeing this, just days, after the first Sunday of Advent drew my thoughts to why Advent has become my favorite part of the Christmas season. Don’t get me wrong I love Christmas, but my contemplative soul feeds off the season of inward preparation that Advent provides. The spiritual practices of advent wreaths and specially chosen devotions draw me into the spirit of preparation. It is the same reason that I like Lent.

I was recently reading an article by Diana Butler Bass and part of it spoke to the idea that part of Advent is anticipatory preparation. This really resonated with me. It reminds me that my spiritual practices do not always have to be heavily weighted in serious reflection on where I am falling short. But that there is room for and necessity for spiritual practices that are infused with joy, play and hopeful preparation of heart and soul.

My contemplative self, thrives in this place of anticipatory spiritual preparation. It is in this space that I am able to see the beauty of green grass and brown dead leaves and find the hope in dying flowers that will spread their seeds for next spring. It is here that I can seriously reflect deep into my soul one minute and find rejuvenation in laughter of the silliest kind with my daughter.

It is this space of anticipation that gives permission to not sweat the fact that I forgot to buy the purple and pink advent candles for our family wreath this year and instead gives room for using the scavenged unused or once used candles I had around the house. I actually love the result of our wreath decorated this year with three red and one blue candle. It has such a different feel, these colors that are associated with Christmas and not the purple that I associate with Lent. There is a lighter feeling of expectation instead of the heavier weightiness of how long until the Christ Candle.

I am learning that there is no right or wrong when it comes to preparing my heart and soul for the birth of Christ. What is important is that I am doing the work of preparing. So this season I am preparing with anticipation of the birth of Christ. Anticipation for me brings joy and excitement, feelings much needed by me right now. I am choosing to let go of traditions and practices of this season if they no longer speak to my soul. And instead am embracing the colors and practices that sing out to my contemplative self. And in doing so I am finding myself naturally easing into a place of contentment of the season.

I would like to invite you to consider if are there practices of habit in your Advent season that you might need to let go of to create space for anticipatory preparation. What is it that is speaking to your soul this Advent season and helping you to find your place of contented, anticipatory preparation for the birth of Christ?

Advent Peace - Advent Guilt

Advent has arrived and with it our tree is up and the spiritual journey is underway with both family and mother/daughter devotions around the advent wreath. Overall, it is a fairly normal (if there is such a thing) Advent. On further reflection, if I’m honest, I’ve found myself inhabiting a weird place of grief.  No, grief and guilt. It is a truth that for women and families that experience fertility issues and/or pregnancy loss and infant death that Advent and the hopeful waiting towards the birth of Christ can be painful and a struggle to get through. After six years on this journey I find myself finally reflecting deeply and intentionally on my own relationship with Advent as a bereaved mother. And I have come to the conclusion that it is complicated.

The part of me that is deeply connected to contemplative spirituality and spiritual rituals looks forward every year to putting up the Advent wreath and choosing the devotional material for our family worship around it. This year my daughter and I are slowly coloring our way through an Advent poster every morning before school and work. I love these moments, I love planning for them. I love guiding my daughter through Advent to Christmas with a strong spiritual focus on the reason we celebrate Advent. I don’t feel the ache in my heart of what should have been with our second child until we light the candle of Hope. Hope, our child’s name, and am stopped in my journey with emotion. These are the emotions of the heartbreak of grief and the guilt that Advent does not remind me in a deeply emotional way of my Baby Hope. Then I remember that I have chosen to honor my baby Hope by living fully into my life, and for me that also means choosing to find joy and peace in the waiting for Baby Jesus to arrive. But sometimes it gets complicated because when the feelings sneak up, even after six years, I think I should have a handle on it. I have to remind myself there is no timeline with this forever grief, and it is ok to not have a handle on it some days, even six years later.

Guilt crept up again as we put up the tree. CJ has her own collection of ornaments, and earlier in the year she was commenting on how Hope did not even have one ornament of her own. CJ was very intentional about remembering to put up the purple snowflake on the tree that she received at the bereavement walk we did in October (you can read that blog here). It was important to her that her never-born sibling have Hope’s very own ornament on the tree, just like CJ has her own ornaments. Because I knew how important that was to her, I had planned on us putting Hope’s snowflake on the tree together, taking a moment to remember. In the hustle and bustle of decorating, CJ put the ornament on herself  - no ritual or special moment of remembering done together. I felt guilty; something that important should be guided by me. But then again maybe not.  Maybe that needed to be CJ’s thing as Hope’s sister, done in her own way. Then I felt a bit sad and left out. Like I said, sometimes it’s complicated.

And amidst all the Advent and Christmas preparation, parenting and life continue. Adding in piano lessons for CJ making it a total of 3 activities she is in. It was never to be more than two, but she is an extrovert and needs the interaction. As I sit down with my calendar trying to balance the schedule for school, work, her activities, my self-care, church, down-time as a family, my thoughts immediately go to wondering "how would I have ever done this with two kids? ". And a guilty feeling of contentment being mother to my one living daughter comes over me. When these moments hit, the guilt looms large, like I have tossed my dear Baby Hope aside. That is not the case at all. I would have embraced the crazy chaos that comes with more than one child, oh so willingly, if that had been our future. But I have also chosen to honor my second child by embracing the life and family that has been given to me, and that my husband, daughter and I make together. Embracing means living into the fullness of the type of mother I am able to be now, in the life I have now.

When the guilt looms large, I try to think of my baby Hope moving in just a bit closer, reminding me it is ok to experience Joy, Love, Peace, and Hope. It is ok to be happy and content in the place I am. So this Advent season I am choosing to live into the PEACE, HOPE, JOY AND LOVE of the Advent candles. But I also know it will always be just a bit more complicated for me living in this place of remembering, honoring and living life. And that is ok too.

Spiritual Disciplines of Advent: Christmas Eve/Christmas Day

Reading of Advent Scripture of your choice

Reflection on Gathering:

We have arrived, Christmas has come. Christmas Eve and Christmas day finds us gathering in many ways. We gather with our faith communities for worship, with family and friends for meals and gift giving. We gather to celebrate and spend time with those important to us. We gather to hear once more the ever important story of Jesus' birth and the message of God's love come to earth. How are these acts of gatherings important spiritual practices that feed the soul?

Practice for the week:

In the next days, as you gather with your various communities, how will you practice hospitality? How will your practice of gathering and hospitality show clearly and with out question God's love come to earth in Jesus Christ?

Time spent in quiet reflection and prayer

Amen

Spiritual Disciplines of Advent: Week 4

Reading of Advent Scripture of your choice

Reflection on Giving:

This is the season of giving, we see it proclaimed all around us. But let's take the idea of giving just a bit deeper. How can we make our giving more than just a token, but instead an act of God's presence come to earth?

Practice for the week:

Think of giving beyond just giving of gifts or end of the year donations. How might you give of yourself? How might your acts of giving help those on the fringes of society know that they are not forgotten?

Time spent in quiet reflection and prayer
Amen

Spiritual Disciplines of Advent: Week 3

Reading of Advent Scripture of your choice

Reflection on Loving:

It is easy to love those who we like, it is harder to love those that perhaps need love the most.  How are we as God's people of love called to be present to those who need to know the ultimate gift of God's love that comes in the birth of Jesus?

Practice for the week:

Take time to think of those who we find hard to love or those we know who are suffering and in need of love and comfort.  Lift them up in prayer each day. Discern what actions of love and caring you might engage in to be the action of God's love in our world.  What changes do you notice in yourself?

Time spent in quiet reflection and prayer
Amen

Spiritual Disciplines of Advent: Week 2

Reading of Advent Scripture of your choice

Reflection on Being:

At this time of year there are many messages all around us that confuse what the season is to be about. With this can come and endless, busy list of things we "should be doing." An alternative response might be to focus on how to be fully present to the waiting in expectation for the coming of God in Christ. What kind of courage does it take to put away the list of "shoulds" and focus on just being in the season?

Practice for the week:

Take time to just be fully present to a friend or family member. Set aside a few minutes each day to be in the presence of God. How do these things change your experience of the season?

Time spent in quiet reflection and prayer
Amen

Spiritual Disciplines of Advent: Week 1

A while back I began thinking about different ways of approaching the four Sundays of Advent and how I might approach them from a more contemplative perspective. As I wandered around this idea, I began to think how my journey through Advent might look if I approached if from the perspective of spiritual disciplines. It is out of this wondering and pondering that the following devotional practice developed.

These practices are designed, not out of specific scriptures, but rather out of ideas that I have found important to approaching Advent from a more contemplative perspective. This also provides room for them to be paired with any of the Advent scriptures/themes that you may be choosing to follow this season. They are also written so they may be used either individually or around a table with family and friends. I encourage you to enhance the experience with the lighting of an Advent Wreath.

So please join me here each Sunday of Advent to spend a more contemplative moment in our journey towards Christmas. 

Reading of Advent Scripture of your choice

Reflection on Waiting:

In our frenzied pace to get to Christmas and the manger, what are we missing? By slowing down and giving attention to the proclamations of the weeks to come, we create room for the fullness of the story that is to unfold before us.

Practice for the week:

Make a list, individually and as a family, indicating what your hopes and dreams are for deeply experiencing the full Christmas Story this year. What is one way you can be intentional about slowing down and being attentive to these desires?

Time spent in quiet reflection and prayer

Amen

Spiritual Mothering

         

                

I have a love-hate relationship with Spring. I love watching the earth come back to life and green up. This morning, as I was walking my back yard labyrinth, I marveled at how green our back yard was. I found simple pleasure seeing my dead, gray lavender showing signs of tender gray/green leaves coming back out with the promise of purple flowers and relaxing fragrance. I hate Spring because it sends my allergies into a tail-spin, and physically I find myself miserable. Spring is also the time when I realize the school year is coming to a close. This past week I got my daughter’s Spring school pictures and immediately it went up on the wall next to the beginning-of-the-year pictures. In that moment I was struck by just how much she has grown up in the last 9 months.

Yesterday in the midst of our church service, as I watched her sitting with her friends, standing and singing and participating in worship without my prompting, I realized how her participation in worship has also grown. And I was reminded once again of the question of “How am I doing in attending to her spiritual growth?” I wondered if I am doing enough to give her a strong foundation. Or am I pushing her too much to express her faith in ways that are reflective of me and maybe not her own unique personality?  We are blessed to be part of a church in which spiritual formation is important, and something that all are a part of, so the responsibility does not fall on my shoulders alone. However, as a clergy mother, I strongly feel the responsibility of my child’s spiritual formation.

I found myself only paying half-attention to the words of worship being spoken. Instead I was immersed in my own ponderings and reminded of some words I wrote in 2011 which were posted to my Facebook page that speaks of the place where motherhood and ministry meet in the most humbling of ways. I share some of those thoughts now, only slightly edited. 

I have been a labyrinth facilitator since 2003 and have had many neat experiences on the labyrinth, but none so moving and thought provoking as my experience of October 2011. I was doing a walk for my former church in conjunction with their Taize service. My husband and daughter went with me so that he could help me unload and set up.

Sometime after the walk had started I heard little feet coming into the room where the walk was taking place. There was my daughter asking me if she could walk the labyrinth. The numbers were small and all were on the labyrinth, so I took some time to help her with her shoes and talk her through what to do when walking the labyrinth with other people (she was used to being on the labyrinth by herself or only with me.)  She started out on her own, me watching from the side, then she came back off and asked me to walk with her. As we walked together, her going first with me behind, yet also guiding and directing to help her go around those others who were also walking, I had one of those moments where the sacred spaces of motherhood and ministry intersected. I was humbled in my remembrance of my responsibility to her spiritual growth, and how without my even really trying hard, she is coming to know and appreciate the quiet spaces with God. It reminded me that sometimes the most effective way of teaching about relationship with God is through our own quiet, yet consistent example. I also had a moment of reflection on how there are times in life where we are in the lead on the path of life's journey - confident, but maybe yet a bit unsure - we are not alone, we never are but in this time God, Christ, Spirit is there right behind us, just a step or two, just enough to help us feel secure and close enough to nudge in guidance when needed. Kind of like I was with my daughter, close enough to give her confidence and guidance when needed, yet also letting her lead, learn and gain confidence in her own walk experience. It was a good reminder for me that even when things are going great, and I seem to have it all under control, God, Christ, Spirit is there right behind me, and that I never really walk alone and I never have to walk alone.

Then she was off again, off to the art table wanting to draw - never having "finished" her walk, but then maybe the point of that walk was not for her to "finish," but for me to notice, listen and ponder, to help me reconnect with an important truth for me. For really in part that is what labyrinths do, connect us - to ourselves and to our relationship with God and others. We just need to take the time to stop and listen and be willing to trust the experience.

I really needed to remember these words, this time where I realized that I am doing enough, that she is getting it. Next Sunday we start on the next part of the spiritual formation journey as she starts discipleship class led by our pastor. I will be a part of the class as her parent and participant in her spiritual formation. I look forward to these next few weeks and seeing where our journey together in this next step of her faith formation takes us. I will journey with her, encouraged by remembering that as long as I am present to her in her faith journey and the questions she raises, then I have done my job of motherhood and ministry.