In my journey through school and to being a Board Certified
Chaplain writing has been a large part of my life I have written more papers
and personal reflections than I care to count. Even now daily I find myself
writing whether it be in a patient chart note or e-mail to someone. But with
all this writing in my life, it is only recently that I have come to see myself
as a writer.
My aha
moment came during Lent when I spent some time reflecting on the psalms and
praying and experiencing them in new ways. Not only did I rediscover the depth
of the Psalms and just how much they have to offer in coping with the many
emotions that life has to offer, but also that there is much space for new
Psalms written out of personal experience. The process of writing in this way
can be deeply cathartic.
Today I
break from the typical longer narrative blog and simply share a couple of my
own Psalms. The writing of these two was a personal catharsis of some of the
very messy, realness of life that I experience in my work as a chaplain.
FORGIVE
For you are merciful
God. You desire us to know the depths of your mercy.
Only you know the
depths of my soul that I hide from even myself.
Respond to me God. Break
the silence of my shame. Shout loudly enough to allow me to hear beyond the
walls of my self-loathing.
Instill in me the
beauty of your forgiveness that I may find my way back to the beauty of
wholeness.
Very much you desire
me to be merciful to myself - just as you are merciful to me.
Everyday is a new
beginning, a chance to be made new in your love and mercy, a new opportunity to
practice forgiveness of myself. For that I am grateful.
Called to Light and Love
O God darkness
surrounds, hopelessness abounds – so much new of all that is bad.
Glimmers of your
light shine out, but it seems dim some days.
Yet still you call me
to belief in your love, belief in your light.
It is this belief
that sustains me. Your love and light that guides in the dark to your love and
hope.
In faith I trust that
this darkness will someday end and I will once again see all that is beautiful.
Until then I will
seek to rest and abide in your presence, trusting you to provide the light and
love that I seek.
AMEN.
