When it comes to just being in the presence of people and
not feeling like I have to be doing something, I knock this one out of the park
as a chaplain. However, at home it’s a whole other story. Fall and into the
Advent/Christmas season tends to be a busy creative time for me with multiple
birthdays, Halloween and the requisite costumes, and other tempting seasonal
projects. I can get a bit create-obsessed, and it is usually creating for
someone I love.
This is all
well and good, particularly when my creating obsession leads me to coolest mom
ever status by my daughter because I had created the absolutely perfect
“Frozen” themed napkin rings for her fancy birthday dinner. Or more recently as
my husband and I spent many hours painting and decorating her newly re-done
room, that she has dubbed perfectly her and thus launches us once more to
coolest parent status.
But there
are other times when my penchant for creating leads me to having blinders on
and I then miss what my family is really asking of me. The light dawned one
night after “spending time” with my daughter earlier this fall. She was
watching a movie and I was sewing something for her. I asked her how the
evening was, and in her young truthful way, she told me it was not what she had
hoped for. She had really just wanted me to sit on the couch and watch the
movie with her. To just be with her, not doing anything.
Let me tell
you this was a very humbling moment. It was at that time that I realized the
very thing I pride myself on doing so well as a chaplain was the one thing I
was really failing at, at home. It is never a pleasant experience having your
child call you out on something, especially something so crucial as being fully
present to her/him. Fortunately I believe in grace, both giving and asking for
it. In this moment, I found myself asking my daughter for grace and forgiveness
for missing the mark completely on her need. I was blessed to receive it.
But the
thing is, this lesson only works if I make the changes my mistake pointed out
to me. So I find myself questioning, why is it so hard to just be with my
family? Is it the stack of dishes sitting in the kitchen, the laundry that
needs to be done, the to-do list a mile long that drowns out the more important
needs of just being quiet and without distraction with my family. Perhaps. Maybe,
though, it is more the case that at certain times my priorities get out of
whack and I lose perspective on what is truly important. And this is why I am
grateful for grace and a very smart daughter.
So as we
enter the season of Advent, a time of preparing our hearts for Christ’s birth,
I also recognize we are entering a season of busy. The parties, the gifts, the
decorating, the baking, and the list could go on. I am trying something new
this year I am simplifying and letting my very smart daughter guide me on the
experiences of the season that are important to her. I’m taking a brave step
and letting go of the seasonal to do list and having faith that the most
important things will get done. Hoping that by the time my family is gathered
around me on Christmas Eve and Christmas I have given them the best gift of
all, my time being fully present with them.
There is
one other very important lesson I have learned, sometimes the things you do the
best at your job are the hardest to do at home. Because either you are worn out
from doing it all day at work, or maybe even more importantly because you can’t
really be the chaplain for your family. But
then, that’s another blog for another day.
