Fellowship of the Pool

This summer has found me with several opportunities to be at the pool with my daughter. Each experience has been just a bit different based on which pool we were at and if we were there to play or if she was there for swim lessons. One pool experience early on in the summer got me reflecting.

This particular pool experience happened while on vacation. We intentionally had a loose plan with lots of unscheduled time it was bliss. Much of this unscheduled time found us at the pool and because we were at the hotel pools I did not feel a compunction to take the tech to the pool with me. Rather it was kept in the room where it would stay nice and dry. I fully expected that by doing this our little family of three would find ourselves interacting and playing with each other very intentionally. This did happen, but so did something else. We found ourselves talking with the other people at the pool. This is not so new for my daughter; she seems to make friends wherever she goes. My husband coined a great phrase to describe her; she could charm the spots off a ladybug. So her ease in making friends in this tech free time did not surprise me. My husband and I are much more introverted and tend to like to keep to ourselves, so much to our surprise we found ourselves doing much the same thing as our daughter. We were engaging those around us.

This was particularly true in our first stop on vacation in Sedona, AZ, a slower paced more laid back town surrounded by amazing red rock formations. It was here that I began to think about our time at the pool in terms of fellowship. It is amazing what happens when you have a group of strangers gathered together and the cellphones and tablets are NOT present. People begin to talk to each other. It begins simple like what we did that day, any recommendations of places to see or things to do. Then comes the where are you from questions, oh we plan to go there some day, if do you should…. conversations. The moms around the pool eventually turn to the typical mom type conversations. And sometimes the conversations become even deeper, more vulnerable and self-revelatory.

I’m not sure what it is about being around a pool, maybe it has something to do with the very basics of swimwear and the fact that we are stripped of a lot of the trappings we use to distance ourselves from strangers. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that we are more relaxed and less burdened by our daily to list. What ever it is that helps this phenomenon, there is one thing that is definite. Community is formed. Even though we knew we would not see each other again most likely, we still took the time to engage and create community. I don’t know if others even knew that was what was happening. The theologian in me certainly was aware of the sacred ground of community I was present to. In Christian circles we often talk about the fellowship of the table; perhaps there is something to be said for the fellowship of the pool.

But then I question do we really need to limit it to just the pool? Is it really the place that creates this, or is it more the intentionality of putting aside our distractions and becoming fully present to our current situation whether it is at the pool or in line at the grocery store. As I have noodled around the experience in Sedona, I have come to the conclusion that yes, this was easier to do at the pool on vacation. But I have also found myself challenged to see how I can find ways to create this on the fly fellowship in other aspects of my life. How would doing so help me to see more of what is good in those around me and find my soul nurtured by these unexpected encounters of community? It is something I seek to explore more and I would invite you on the journey as well.

Messy Grief. Blessed Grief.

Today snuck up on me unawares. Last night sitting in church I realized what day today would be and unlike other years I was not prepared for that awareness. It is July 9^th and exactly five years ago today I was sitting in the neonatologist’s office looking at a large level two sonogram screen and hearing that my second child had a high probability of not surviving to birth due to the intestines and liver having formed outside of my child’s body. Those few moments changed the trajectory of my life and the life of my family. At fourteen weeks pregnant I found myself making end-of-life decisions for my baby that I had not even met outside of sonogram pictures.

Since then this day has always been hard as has July 12^th, the day we gave our child Hope back to God. But for some reason the fact that this is the five year anniversary has hit me particularly hard. I’m not really sure why, but I think it may have something to do with the fact that this would have been a milestone year for Hope, the start of kindergarten and new adventures. So I went out to Hope’s labyrinth to walk it as I often do when grief hits. Out there I found it covered in weeds (it’s been really rainy here) and in sore need of attending to. And I realized in our busy summer life I have managed to neglect this marker of Hope’s place in our family life that was so lovingly built.

GUILT, that was the next emotion. I felt guilty for letting the weeds get so bad. I felt guilty for my thoughts of being so settled into our family of three on earth and not knowing how I would have ever managed work, co-authoring the book Still a Mother, all of my other responsibilities and finding sacred self-care time if I had two children in the home. This bereaved mother stuff is messy. There is no rhyme or reason to the emotions, but I really thought I had it figured out. Then today came and I am back in the midst of it, working through emotions I really thought I had a handle on.

So I did somethingI don’t do very often, I vulnerably put my messy stuff out there on Facebook and asked for prayers. And they came flooding in. I found my community willing to surround and enter into the mess with me again, just because I asked and it was blessed. It gave me strength to walk through my messy, emotional day since I still had to go to work.  My shift as a critical care chaplain called. I still needed to make my rounds on the maternity unit. I could not just go hide under a blanket as much as that was what all I really wanted to do. 

Then something beautiful happened. I made a patient visit. In the midst of this visit my broken and weary spirit heard the brokenness of someone else and reached out. I found words to speak that could only come out of the place of the Holy Ground of brokenness seeking wholeness. I was able to speak blessing in a way I have not done in a long time. The emotion and tear filled holy silence shared between us was soul restoring.  I left that room in awed Holy silence knowing only I will be aware of just how that encounter healed just a bit of my own messiness.

Today is still hard and the tears come unexpectedly and  I know July 12 is coming.  But I have a plan, I have a mommy/daughter date planned with C and we will explore, laugh, play and reconnect in a way that is healing for us. I think this is a very fitting way to honor Hope too, by setting aside a day to be able to just be Mommy, no strings attached and know it is ok to feel completely blessed and comfortable in being content as mommy to C on earth and Hope in heaven.