Mother’s Day is just a short few days away. While growing up it meant sending cards to the
various important women in my life, making sure I did something special for mom
and I never thinking much more about it. And it went on that way until the two
years my husband and I were trying to get pregnant with our oldest. Sitting in
church with all the mothers with their corsages and mentions of how mothers are
important was painful to my soul that wanted so badly to be a mother. A deeper
awareness of how painful this day can be came when our second child Hope died
and I became even more aware of how Mother’s Day can be sweet with loving attention
from one child while also deeply sad with memories of the child who died.
Living with this tension has made me very aware of how there
are so many who struggle with this day. As the TV is filled with commercials
reminding us to get mom the perfect gift, do something special, be sure you
make the day all about mom I can’t help but think of moms who arms are empty
due to the death of a baby, older child or loss of a pregnancy; women who are
struggling with infertility; mother-child relationship that are strained or
estranged; those who’s mothers have died and they are left grieving and even
fathers who are raising kids all on their own. I think of women who have chosen
not have their own children but are very involved as mother figures in other
kids lives, I have a couple of women in my own life who have been like mothers that
are very special. It’s not always an easy day. And is a day where I try to walk
through it with an extra measure of grace, kindness and gentleness.
Every mother’s day since I have been on Facebook I try to
post something acknowledging this tension and the mixed feelings that mother’s
day brings. I like to remind us that it is ok to not feel all warm and fuzzy
and to have the need just to survive the day. Because after all it is just one
day and with tomorrow there is the promise of a new day.
But today I want to give some words of wisdom for
accompanying mothers who are grieving children on this day, both children who
have died and also the hopes of children that have not come due to infertility.
Please do not be afraid of our tears. Please do not be afraid of acknowledging
this day with us and that it may make us cry. There is a lot that makes us cry.
Most every day has something that makes us remember our little ones. It is part
of life for us we learn to live with it and feel blessed by those who choose to
journey beside us fearlessly.
If you know our child/children’s names please feel free to
speak them to us. It helps us know that others are remembering them too. Let us
know that you are thinking of us in some way, help us not feel so alone, because
as time goes on this journey can get lonely. And remember each one of us
experiences this a bit differently, if you are unsure of how to help us survive
the day, ask us and just be there.
So as we move towards Mother’s Day on Sunday I invite you to
join me in an extra measure of grace and gentleness, to have a measure of
awareness for those who may be hurting or grieving just a bit more, and know
that we are in this together.
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