Love is...Bright Red Toenails

Once during my ministry I was privileged to know a family consisting of an elderly gentleman, elderly woman and their children. The man and woman had been married for over 60 years and he had been her primary caregiver in their home for many years. During one of several visits with them I noticed that the woman’s toenails were painted bright red. Knowing that she was in the last stage of dementia and was therefore unable to care for herself in this way, I asked her husband who had painted her toenails. I thought, perhaps, that a female member of their family had done this. His matter of fact and gentle reply was, “Well I did, because she always did like to look nice.” He then smiled and patted her hand. To him this was not a big deal. It was one, of many, practical declarations of his love for her and his way of honoring who she has been throughout their lifetime together.

To me, this is a wonderful illustration of what love is. Love is being together and caring for each other in ways that are unique to that person. Love is the tenderness of an eighty-something man painting his wife’s toenails bright red. Love is honoring and respecting who someone is and has been, even though the ravages of dementia have stolen that person away. Love is continuing to walk beside someone, because of who you and they are together, not because of what they can do for you now.

It was a privilege to be knowledgeable about this moment of tenderness between them. It reminded me of a time when I was pregnant and my husband painted my toenails because I no longer could and it was one practical way for him to show he loved me. For us, it was full of laughter and joy, for the reason I could not do that for myself was one of excited anticipation. (He did a GREAT job by the way!) For this man and woman, it was one more indication that their time together was coming to an end.

Not to be maudlin, but, one day the journey my husband and I share will also come to an end. We feel as if we have a lifetime to live between now and then, that we are still in the beginning of our journey (yes, 17 years is still the beginning!) but the reality is, that day will arrive. It is my hope that our children will be able to tell stories like that about us. About how we loved each other, cared for each other, how we did crazy, sweet, beautiful things for each other. How through our example they learned to love others, that they learned compassion, and how to honor those they love through little, but important acts.