Breaking the Rules

Have you ever been afraid of doing something that you think is a good idea in theory, but maybe not in real life? This coming Friday, January 30^th, 2015 is my last day as a Palliative Care Chaplain. I’ve spent the last two years in this wonderful ministry and have found it deeply profound, full of grace, mystery, heartache, forgiveness, sorrow and love. I have learned about peace, acceptance and courage from my patients and families. I have learned humor, perhaps even a twisted sort of humor, from my colleagues.  And, yet, I’m leaving. There is some grieving there. I have some amazing colleagues and friends.

While I’m grateful to be not just any chaplain, but a Palliative Care Chaplain, I long for something different. I’ve been in worship the last two years as a participant in the church, but not as a minister. I accept now that the church calls my name. I miss the relationships, the creativity, joys and even the frustrations of being a congregational minister. I miss the rhythm of the church, from Advent through Ordinary Time. I miss the excitement of waking on a Sunday morning knowing that worship is today, when the doors are thrown wide open and folks come in looking for something, needing something that they can’t find anywhere else…

I left the church looking for ways to minister in pastoral care, and I’ve found them, in abundance. But, I also know I need more balance with other areas of ministry. And, I’m finally at a place where I accept that where I’m at right now isn’t where I need to be in the future.

So, what’s so scary about that? I broke all the rules. I gave my two weeks’ notice before I had anything else lined up. Crazy, right? What’s it mean to be a minister and not have an actual ministry job? Except, I think right now, it can mean anything. It can (and I hope) it means I’m open to wherever I’m called. Here’s the thing. Once I said the words out loud I felt free. A burden had been lifted from my being and it felt so right and good.  I feel like I’ve taken a risk in life and in ministry and instead of being afraid, I feel at peace. And, it’s wonderful.  


Photos courtesy of Joy Freeman