Self-care of the Soul

Self-care is something that is sacred in my life. It is something that is necessary as I work in the emotionally and spiritually intense world of hospital chaplaincy. One of the things in my self-care inventory is Tai Chi. This slow fluid form of martial arts has become another form of moving meditation and prayer, just like the labyrinth has been for me.

In my exploration of Tai Chi, I have discovered a group called Taijifit. It is an online group that offers live-streamed workouts. The beautiful thing about this online group is that we gather from all over the world to play and do moving meditation together. Taijifit has become an essential part of my self-care routine, and you can find me in the online classroom about 5 days a week. We close each class with some variation of the following “guidelines for life:” “1) Keep your heart open, 2) Take time to play, and 3) Go with the flow. I have found myself reflecting on these guidelines and how they have integrated into my own daily living, and I’d like to share some of what has been ruminating in my brain and heart.

Keep your heart open: as a chaplain I encounter all kinds of people from all walks of life and beliefs. My role is to be present to them in their time of need and help them tap into and use their own spiritual/philosophical belief system as a source of strength and healing. To do this, my heart and mind has to be open to the many different ways of believing and orienting to the world that people have. The other side of an open heart is that I sometimes find my heart feeling more deeply and profoundly the pain of others. And when that happens I find my own healing in the moving mediation of Taijifit and the spoken words of gentle and healing imagery by the instructors that guide us into the movements. And in this I find myself letting the movement becoming a prayer, where I send off the deep feelings of my heart that are not mine to keep to God for safekeeping, and in doing so I find my emotional balance again.

Take time to play: my life is full between my daughter’s activities, my involvement in my church, and my work as a chaplain.  It is easy for me to lose sight of my own needs and time for fun. But as I hear these words after class each night, I am finding that I am becoming more able to put the never-ending to-do list away unfinished as 7:00 pm approaches, and by 8 pm the cell phone is put to silent (unless I am on- call). I am becoming more aware of my daughter’s invitations to play – even those that come in her sneaky tickle attacks of me. I am learning that I do not have to be doing something “productive” every minute of the day. I am learning that it is ok, and even good for me to spend the hour I spend at my daughter’s soccer practice just sitting out there, not really even watching practice but instead just enjoying being outdoors. This whole “take time to play” for me has really become an invitation into Sabbath time.

Go with the flow: ok, to be completely honest this one is really, really hard for me. I am a bit of a control person. I like a plan and to know what is going to happen and what I am going to do and how I am going to respond. I know, counter intuitive for being a chaplain in a hospital where you never seem to really know what the day will be. I’m pretty good at going with the flow at work, so perhaps that is why I tend to be a bit more controlling in other areas. Taijifit has really challenged me on this one. As I grow into applying going-with-the-flow in all aspects of my life I am finding that 1) I am a better mom 2) I am less stressed which means 3) my physical ailments related to stress are better. Essentially I am a healthier person all around. I am learning that if I am able to let go a bit more and open myself up more I am also more present and aware of the workings of God and Spirit going on around me and through me. I am more spiritually centered. This is a really good thing when you are a chaplain and chaos ensues. Ok, being spiritually centered is also really important when parenting, too.

This is all still very much a work in progress for me, but I am excited about where the journey is taking me in my spiritual life. I would like to invite you to consider with me how do you need to keep your heart open, where in your life do you need more play time, and how can you release some control and move into going with the flow of life.