Lent Week 3: Permissive Space

If you have been following me here you will know that the Lent blog and extra post of last week found me in a pretty vulnerable and raw place.  I had indicated that I was taking a spiritual time out and doing something different. This week’s Lent practice found me sitting on the floor with my daughter, markers and colored pencils in hand, coloring together the picture that went with her coloring practice she has chosen for Lent.  We would take turns reading the prayer and blessing that went with the picture with some days her asking for us to read it together.

I have found so much joy and renewal in this space with her. There is no pressure to have any deep theological thoughts, only the space to be together in a quiet contemplative way in God’s Holy presence. The simplicity of this space and practice is feeding my soul in a way that the other two weeks have not. It has been in this quiet permissive space of just being that I have found the courage to completely toss aside what I thought was to be my own personal Lent devotional and ask CJ if I could join her for the rest of Lent and color with her.  Her grace continues to be abundant to me and her welcome of me into what was to be her private practice is joy to my somewhat battered and weary soul.  It is in this permissive space that I am finding my own soul healing.

This week she got her picture done first and asked me if she could help me finish mine.  The process of working together, trying to figure out how we both were going to work in the same small space brought some laughter as our hands danced around each other.  It was also an exercise in me letting go of the exact colors and patterns I had in my minds eye so that she could contribute her own creative mark.  The result was not only a beautiful picture, but also a restoration of an element of fun and creativity in our relationship that had been lost in the stress, busyness and the fact that I had been so deep in my own soul over the last months. Her words at dinner one night hit straight to the heart when she said, “ I have missed this part of you.” Meaning the playful, teasing mother I try to be. 

Once again the grace of her permissive space was what enabled my more serious, goal driven self to give way to a more playful me. It has been in the permissive space that I have found the ability to let go of the need to blog every week through Lent on my creative process and great insights. And thus giving way to more space for my daughter, my family, laughter and a renewed sense of self.  And others are noticing, commenting on how much happier I am now.

This coloring together in permissive space is something that has connected us in a new way, finding something else that we both love to do together.  I just purchased a book of abstract spirals to color.  Last weekend we worked on the first one together.  It’s been a busy week, and she has already asked when we can color together in the book again. And so this morning practice has grown into a shared interest that moves beyond the space of a Lent devotional and into the Holy space of our daily relationship.  And for this I am grateful.

I’ll be back here every now and then through Lent and beyond when nuggets of inspiration and wisdom come to me needing to be written and shared.  But in the mean time, you can find me coloring myself whole again and restoring the more playful parts of my relationship with my daughter in this wonderful, grace-filled permissive space.