My Companion Grief

A Note about this week's posts:
This week marks the 8 year anniversary of the loss of my second pregnancy and with that the death of the child that we named Hope.  All grief is a perpetual journey with reminders of the person showing up at unexpected times, even years later.  Parents often describe the death of a child as a forever grief as they often grieve more accutely at what would have been important milestones and anniversaries of births and deaths.

This week holds two anniversaries for me.  Today marks the day we found out that Hope would not live to birth.  Thursday, July 12th marks the day of Hope's death. (I tell more of our story in posts here.) 8 years may seem like a long time for some, however for me it often still seems like just yesterday.

I realized that my postings this week either fell on or one day before these two anniversary dates.  It felt like a nudge to me to take the time this year to once again mark Hope's existence and my grief journey.  Thank you for taking a moment to come along side as I once again grieve and remember.


My Companion Grief

I stuff my days full of "to do's"
In hope that these next days and weeks
will speed by.
In hope that I won't have the time to
notice my heart remembering
it's being ripped in half eight years ago.

But grief, my friend,
you do not work that way.
You are strong.
You push up past all
the busy barriers I try to put up.

To you it does not matter
if it has been
one day
one year
one decade.

You return to visit time and again.
A reminder that life is not a given.
That life requires periods of letting go
and figuring out how to move forward
when it feels like your world has stopped.

Grief, we have journeyed
hand in hand
for eight years now.
You have taught me much:
~that I am stronger than I realize
~that you are a universal connecting point
~that my ability to grieve is in direct relation
to my capacity to love.

Today you tap my shoulder once again
reminding me of your presence
reminding me of another year of anniversaries
and the need to remember deeply TODAY.

I take your hand and let you
gently guide me through this day
and the days to come this week,
knowing that tomorrow will come.

With the hope of sunrise
comes the hope of once more
surviving the deep feelings
and finding my battered heart
just a bit more healed.